I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
