I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
