We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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