cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
