I hate all girls vehemently.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize