I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
