I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
