she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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