Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Randomize
