Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
