I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize