Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
