Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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