You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
its liver damage thursday
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
