VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
