i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
