I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I could make wine with my vomit
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
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