Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
