dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
