I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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