dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I supernannyed him into submission
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
