This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
