craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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