im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
