The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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