I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize