I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
