Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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