I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
