sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
