She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
