A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
