So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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