It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
