I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
