so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
