I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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