please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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