This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
