Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
