I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
