I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
