I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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