Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
