I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
