i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
