Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
