Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
