So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish you could order shots online.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
