Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
