this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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