I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
