i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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