im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
