I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
