Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
