I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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