Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
