The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You made out with two different species that night
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dicks are not precious.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
