I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
