? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
