when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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