I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dick very happy bro
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
