thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dick very happy bro
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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