you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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