I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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