I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize