So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
