I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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