is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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